"If Christ had died for me, I cannot trifle with the evil that killed my best friend." - Charles Spurgeon
Just this past week there was a pastor in a neighboring town that committed suicide. When one first hear's about something like this it is absolutely shocking. You ask yourself what could have happened? How could he do this? What about his church and things he has preached? What example does this set? There are just so many questions as the whole situation seems senseless.
The week prior to to this happening word got out that this pastor had a moral failure and his wife was filing for divorce. This was a second marriage as many years prior, this same pastor divorced his first wife, again due to a moral failure. The odd thing is, is that this pastor lead a large church. Early in his ministry he started a church that grew quickly and things looked great. Then the first failure.... After seeking forgiveness and picking up the pieces, this pastor restored relationship with his church and again built up a large independent church. You would think that for this church to grow that somethings had to be right and that the pastor must be on the right track... then out of nowhere, failure #2 and news of a second divorce. That news grieved our hearts and our prayer was that God would begin healing to the pastor and his church. Then like wild fire, news spread of his suicide. My heart sunk as I felt for his soul, his family and his church.
As I thought about what went wrong, I have to admit, I was not really surprised by what happened. Genesis 4:7 came to mind, "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” These are the words God said to Cain when the sacrifice Cain offered was not accepted. Cain became angry and his countenance fell. In this instance Cain's inward attitude was reflected on his face, and God new that if his heart was not right and his relationship with God not right, that sin was waiting to step in and take hold. Cain never relented his displeasure and never repented.... Cain killed Abel.
I believe that is what happened to this pastor. Yes he was a good speaker, well liked, and charisma, you name it, but there was a disconnect between the truth he knew and the truth he really believed and lived out. Although everything appeared good on the outside, a war was taking place on the inside. He was dabbling in sin, and sin took hold. He believed the lie, he lost his faith, he lost hope, an ultimately he lost his life.
One might ask, how can he lead a church that appeared so healthy and on track. Well God warns us about a lukewarm church. Yes everything might look good on the outside, but God knows what's going on on the inside. We say we believe because we want to avoid the penalty of sin, yet we never break free from sin because we find pleasure in it. That is a very dangerous place to be. Francis Chan was quoted as saying "Find the right creative team, musicians, and speakers, and you can grow any church. It doesn’t even have to be a Christian church." Has the church become to focused on what feels good, rather then on what is right? Do we avoid the truth because in convicts and we don't want to believe we need to change? Don't get caught in the lie. Like King David, Ask God to search you and know you. Ask him to reveal to you, by His Spirit, what is in your heart, even if if hurts to face to the truth, and then fall humbly before God and truly repent. God is ready... Are you?